Morning Coffee

the random thoughts of a muse still working through her 1st pot of coffee

Mind if we dance with your dates?

One of my latest guilty pleasures is watching a show called Ancient Aliens that airs on the curiously named History Channel. Among the extraordinary things one hears on this show is aliens have visited us throughout our history and have presented humanity with such valuable knowledge as how to make a power plant out of a pyramid, and how to build huge stone structures like Stonehenge. (Yet somehow they forgot to tell us the cures for horrid diseases like Alzheimer’s or cancer. I do hope this is addressed in later episodes). The other thing they suggest is humans were seeded by or are the creation of these alien visitors–or gods, as the theorists tell us the ancients thought of them. It seems they are attracted to earth women and have relations with them as part of official ancient alien astronaut policy to improve the earthman species by adding superior alien DNA to the mix so we could in time presumably build our own pyramid power plants and big stone whatnots.

we have come for your womens

So while I’d be the last person to say there isn’t intelligent life somewhere in the vastness of the universe and maybe we are or have been visited by extra terrestrial life, I feel very strongly that this sort of inter-planetary cavorting does not happen in the south. No alien has the time to go through the rigorous interrogations outsiders frequently endure when they try to make inroads into established southern society–regardless of   which level they attempt to penetrate. In rural areas, all outsiders are regarded as aliens. Whether they come from 50 miles up the road or  from the posh arm of Andromeda, the first question they’ll get is “You ain’t from around here, are you?” It may be asked with curiosity or hostility but it will nevertheless eventually come up in conversation. The suitable answer is hardly “No, but we’re here for your womens, so be a good sturdy yeoman and round up a nice selection for us will you.”

Our alien guests are not likely to fare much better in the sophisticated urban areas where the natives should be used to outsiders (carpetbaggers) coming in to take advantage of all the good stuff, like an uneducated and docile labor force, comparatively cheaper housing stock in quaint ‘historic’ neighborhoods near eclectic shopping districts, and women whose heads might be easily turned by the exotic outsider with the fancy clothes and the big wallet. Oh no. Well, maybe some sloppy hook ups will happen with those  grasping, social climbing, rough around the edges middle class types who think all you need to get by in this world are granite countertops in a cookie cutter house in a really nice suburban development. The Bluebloods might agree that while such liaisons might, on occasion, be inevitable, the end result will not be an improvement.

Speaking of the Bluebloods, the realm any advanced alien civilization would presumably target for their Seeding the Population Program, forget it. No matter how progressive any southern city may claim to be, don’t show up on the doorstep with your flashy intergalactic travel and sleek space cruisers and superior knowledge  about big stone erections and how to carve huge animal patterns into the landscape. All these things are very nice, but they’re not going to get you into The Athletic Club or into The St.Cecilia Society. No alien astronaut has survived the grueling and harrowing experience of sitting down to tea with a well-coiffed and sugar-tongued southern Memsahib who will get right down to business with the scariest question any pretender can hear: Where are you from and who are your people?

People Have Spoken

This is discouraging news-White Southern Democrats Nearly Extinct

Report any sightings of this endangered species to us and we’ll find a Secret Annexe for them to hide in.

But It’s All Go in South Carolina!

The most notable upset in this neck of the woods was the defeat of 14 term Democratic South Carolina  Representative John Spratt. Spratt did a great deal of heavy lifting for South Carolina during his tenure in office but was  nevertheless ousted by Mick Mulvaney. Mulvaney, now in the honeymoon period of his Washington Insidership has promised to protect South Carolinians from the nightmare incursions of Big Government into their otherwise prosperous and pastoral lives.

So, Go Mulvaney, woo hoo and all that. The prospect of governing shouldn’t eat up too much of your time since most of your agenda is based on parroting the Tea Party credo which appears to be about not governing. Here’s the game plan taken directly from his website: bailouts bad, Obamacare to be overturned, nuclear weapons in Iran bad, Social Security is NOT socialism, illegal immigration bad, energy drill baby drill but alternative sources of energy OK just so long as no one is ever taxed ever for it, education-Repeal No Child Left Behind and does not support closing the Department of Education, and the 4 steps to Job Recovery are: rein in government spending, repeal Obamacare, let businesses create jobs and don’t raise taxes.Yes–this should solve that problem. Finally taxes=bad.

Can I see Russia from the governor's mansion?

Whilst we’re on the subject of South Carolina and the election and taxes, South Carolinians made  history by electing Nikki Haley as the first woman to occupy the Governor’s office.  Haley is another candidate endorsed by the Tea Party and notably received an endorsement of sorts from Tea Party Society maven Sarah Palin. Haley overcame allegations of an extra-marital affair and delinquent taxes to defeat Democratic upstart Vincent Sheheen

By all appearances, South Carolina is getting its groove back, in a political sense, if you know what I mean. So, I wish everyone a lot of luck (seriously–I wish South Carolinians a lot of luck–no really- good grief, people). Fall is in the air, South Carolina has been delivered safely into the arms of its political ancestors, and more important than anything: the Carolina Clemson Game is November 27. GO TIGERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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